Spring Break
by Aklaino2k7
Summary: When Nat Goldberg comes to Peach Creek Junior High, he is compelled to pair Kevin up with his soulmate, Edd! Even if he has to get past Kevin's friends. Unfortunately for any of them, things don't turn out as they've expected. A deconstruction.
1. Kevin and his Weirdo Friends

Acapulco

Chapter 1: Kevin and his Weirdo Friends

###

I don't own Ed, Edd n Eddy. I also don't own that Nat dude. Some girl on DeviantArt created him. Her name escapes me.

A bit of a note: this fic contains OCs other than Nat. Do you really expect Kevin to only hang out with Nazz and Rolf at school. Nah, I didn't think so. Also, this takes place in the same universe as my other recent Ed, Edd n Eddy fic, 'The Other Side'.

###

The day Nat showed up for the first time at Peach Creek Junior High started out normal. Of course, there was the matter with one of Kevin's friends being stuck at home with the flu, but that guy annoyed him anyway, so that was that. Kevin was sitting around bored, doing typing drills in his Computer Literacy class when a pair of kids, one a normal-looking eighth grader and the other not, came in. The eighth-grader, obviously a student aide, handed the teacher a slip and then left. The kid, with his bizarre green hair and gold earring stayed behind.

Kevin turned away, even as the teacher announced that there was a new kid, introducing Nathan Kedd Goldberg to the class.

"Please call me Nat," the green-haired boy said, smiling at all of the kids in the classroom. Kevin continued his typing drills. He hated those, especially since he couldn't touch type worth anything.

"Well, I guess you can sit next to Kevin for today," the teacher, a bald man in his late thirties told the boy. "There is normally a kid there, but he is sick at home with the flu."

"Okay, thanks!" Nat said, grinning smugly.

What the teacher had said didn't register until the green-haired boy pulled the chair out. Kevin then realized that he was stuck next to the weirdo and he looked to his right past the chair that was soon to be filled at a black-haired friend of him with severe discomfort. His friend looked the same way.

"Hi, I'm Nat," the green-haired boy greeted as he sat down, holding his hand out to shake Kevin's.

"Kevin," the redhead introduced himself, shaking the other boy's hand while trying not to cringe.

"Nice to meet you," Nat replied, his back partially turned toward Kevin's black-haired friend who didn't even live in the cul-de-sac. He wasn't that good looking anyway, with all that excess weight. "So, what are we working on today?"

Kevin was getting all sorts of strange vibes from the boy. "Typing. We're practicing keys Z, X, C and V, dude."

"Ooh, goodie. You know, it's a good thing I already mastered the keyboard at my old school," Nat said, getting to work on the assignment and blowing through it while Kevin sat there, preferring to look at skateboards or bikes on Amazon or something instead.

Kevin knew that his sick friend wasn't going to like having his seat taken away by some green-haired weirdo.

###

"So, what was with that Nat dude?" Nazz asked on their way to their English class.

"Dude, I have no idea," the redhead replied. "He's weird as heck, man."

"Oh yeah, that guy is!" Kevin's big, black-haired friend from his computer literacy class exclaimed. "There's just something about him that bugs me."

"Yeah? A part of me feels like socking that smug face in," Kevin remarked.

"Hey, I wouldn't go that far," the black-haired replied. "Personally, I just feel like avoiding him like the plague."

"Yeah? I don't think he even noticed you, Gabe," Nazz told him as they walked into their English class.

"Let's see if he notices Hans when he's not sick from the flu," Gabe joked.

"Dude, it would be kind of hard not to," Kevin said. "Heck, even if you guys weren't friends when I first met that dude, I would have noticed him."

"What the heck are you guys talking about," said the smooth, deep voice of one of Kevin's other school friends. He was black, wearing glasses and already had his notebook for English out on his desk.

"Hey, Shaun, so, there's this new guy in our computer literacy class," Nazz answered, sitting in the desk behind the black boy. "He's kind of cute, but Kevin doesn't like him."

"Yeah, because he rubs me the wrong way," the redhead added, sitting next to Nazz while Gabe sat in front of Kevin.

"Okay, man, I'll have to see this new guy before I give you guys my opinion," Shaun told Kevin and the others.

"Who is this 'new guy' you speak of?" Rolf asked, sitting down next to Kevin.

"Nat Goldberg," Gabe told the foreign boy. "Anybody else trying to resist the urge to joke that he's related to Whoopi?"

"Sorry, his lips are too small," Shaun said before everybody started laughing.

"How do you know, dude? You never met the guy," Nazz said as she recovered from her laugh.

"Hey, it's either that or he's Jewish," the black boy replied.

Just then Nat walked into the classroom. "How's it going, Kevin?" he asked, sitting in front of Gabe.

"Oh, hey, dude," the redhead greeted uneasily as Nat sat behind Kevin.

"So, these must be your friends," the green-haired boy remarked, grinning smugly at the group. "The name's Nat."

"Hi, I'm Nazz."

"And I'm Rolf!"

"The name's Shaun."

"And I'm-"

Gabe got interrupted by Nat flirting with Nazz. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Nazz," he said with a smile. "Who would have known that I would have met a girl of such beauty on my first day here?" Nazz just blushed as Nat turned to Shaun. "And it's good to meet you, too, Shaun. And Rolf, what country are you from?"

"Ah, yes, Rolf is from the Old Country," the foreigner replied.

"Which is?"

"Anyway," Gabe started to say as he stood up, "My name is Gabe."

"Don't interrupt," Nat chided, annoying the black-haired boy.

"You know, I actually narrowed the name of Rolf's village down to along the border between Russia, Finland and Norway," Shaun told the group, slightly ticked at Nat telling Gabe off for interrupting when he, in fact, had interrupted Gabe in the first place. "According to Wikipedia, it was apparently colonized by Romani, Jews and Sami, isolated for hundreds of years and only rediscovered after the Iron Curtain fell."

"Ooh, so, you're Russian?" the green-haired boy asked.

"Oh, yes, well…" Rolf stuttered, letting the air out of his shirt.

"I've met a few Russians, but they're from like Moscow and stuff," Nat remarked. It was just then that the teacher started the class, forcing them all to pay attention. Kevin still didn't like Nat that much.

###

At lunch, Kevin hoped that Nat wouldn't show up. Unfortunately, the green-haired boy came and sat down at their table after getting some food. Kevin could tell that having him there bugged Gabe immensely, even as the bigger boy worked on his food.

"So, are there any good restaurants around here that you go to for lunch sometimes?" Nat asked, surprising Kevin that he would suggest such a thing.

"Dude, this school is closed campus," Nazz told him. "I know the high school is open-campus, but definitely not us."

"Besides, there's no way I'd even be able to afford any food from any of the restaurants around here with _my_ allowance," Shaun told the green-haired boy.

"Oh, okay, just asking," Nat responded.

This baffled Kevin. For one thing, it suggested that wherever Nat's old school was, it was open campus despite being a middle school. From what he knew, even some of the high schools in the city weren't even open-campus. It also seemed that Nat had more money for lunch than any of them. Then again, there was so much that the redhead didn't even know about Nat.

"So, man, what do your parents do?" Kevin asked the green-haired boy.

"Oh, they run a fishing business in San Francisco," he replied.

"Who, you're all the way from California?" Gabe asked. "My dad is originally from Vegas."

"That's pretty cool," Nazz told the green-haired boy. "What brings you to Peach Creek?"

"Oh, this and that," Nat answered, putting a hotdog into his mouth. "San Fran is pretty fun, but I just needed to go someplace smaller. So, here I am."

"Wait, are you here but not your parents?" Gabe asked, wondering the same thing that Kevin was. There were quite a few things that just didn't add up.

"Is it just me or is your food here slightly off?" the green-haired boy questioned, changing the subject and continuing to ignore Gabe. The black-haired boy was slowly getting more and more visibly agitated at the newcomer, gritting his teeth.

Finally, he took a deep breath and breathed out before talking to Nazz. "Hey, Nazz, you mind if I borrow your cell phone?"

"Sure dude! Who are you going to call?" she asked, pulling out the iPhone she had gotten for Christmas and handing it to him.

"I was thinking of calling Hans to make sure he's alright at home and not completely bored."

"Knowing him, he probably is. Then again, this is Hans, so you never know." Nazz smiled as Gabe walked off, phone in hand, to walk just outside the front doors so it wouldn't get confiscated.

"So, who's this Hans guy?" Nat asked out of curiosity.

"Short, kind of annoying," Shaun remarked.

"Is he from Europe?" the green-haired boy asked, his curiosity piqued.

"Nah, he was born in El Paso," the black boy responded. "Man, I hear that guy got hit with the flu bad."

"How was a kid with the name Hans born in El Paso?" Nat asked.

"Dude, why don't you ask him in a couple days when he comes back?" Kevin replied. "Either that, or you'll ignore him like you ignore Gabe."

Nat looked confused and after a beat, he asked "Who's Gabe?"

Before any of the others could answer that question, a dark-skinned girl came up to the table. "Hey, Nazz, what's up?" she asked, sitting down.

"Oh, hey, Jenna!" the blond exclaimed. "What made you so late?"

"Oh, just Mr. Duncan holding the class back… again!" the Mexican-American girl groaned before turning toward Nat. "So, who's this cutie and how come you haven't told me about him?"

"Oh, hi, I'm Nat. Pleased to meet you," the green-haired boy introduced himself.

"Nice to meet you too. I like your hair," Jenna complimented with a seductive smile.

Kevin couldn't get over Nat's behavior toward Gabe, practically pretending the bigger boy didn't even exist, so he got up. "Kevin, where are you going?" Nat asked as Kevin walked past him.

"To check on Gabe," he replied, continuing on.

"So, who _is_ this Gabe guy?" Nat asked inquisitively, causing Shaun to slap his forehead and Nazz to bury her face in her hands.

###

"Okay, good, good, just checking up on you. Bye," Gabe then pressed the hang up button on Nazz's phone before groaning.

"So, how's Blondie doing?" Kevin asked, leaning against the school entrance. Gabe looked up at him, surprised.

"Sorry, I didn't realize you were there," the big, black-haired boy replied. "He's doing alright. It's funny, he's a lot less talkative when he's sick."

"Dude, I think everybody is," the redhead remarked.

"So, how long were you standing there?" Gabe inquired.

"Hey, I had just walked out the door," Kevin replied.

"Good, because otherwise it would have been kind of creepy," Gabe joked.

"Hah!" Kevin scoffed. "Anyway, I was just checking to make sure you were okay."

"Thanks," the bigger boy responded, looking down at Nazz's phone. "Did you realize that Nazz's wallpaper is a picture of you and her?"

"What? You're joking," Kevin replied, going over and looking at the girl's phone.

"Nope. I think you're her best friend in the whole world, that is, if she doesn't think of you as something more."

"Yeah, right, dude. I'm nowhere near good enough for Nazz," Kevin objected. "Besides, I'm here for you, just not like that. I'm sorry about how Nat's been treating you."

"Hey, it's not your fault. That guy just showed up today," Gabe told him, pocketing Nazz's phone. "And even if he decides to join our little group, you can always kick him out if he's a repeat offender."

"Yeah? Well, man, I'd rather not do that," Kevin told him. "Besides, this guy's nowhere near as bad as Eddy with his scamming."

"Yet," Gabe added. "By the way, thanks for being there for me. It's not easy."

"Heck no, man," Kevin replied.

"Hey, I've known you for years. You've been pretty consistent as a friend." Gabe glanced over at the trees that were starting to bud. Just a few weeks more and it would be spring break. Kevin looked forward to that.

"Yeah?" Kevin asked.

"Well, sure. I remember how when we first met, I was pretty isolated and I didn't have any friends at school. Then you let me play football with you guys."

"Dude, that was because you'd make a good lineman," Kevin remarked.

Gabe chuckled. "Maybe. I'm pretty tall for my age, though I think Ed might have me beat in that department, if you can get that guy to focus on the game, that is."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but you're at least smarter than him, so that counts for something." Just then, Kevin spotted Edd carrying a pile of papers, presumably for one of the teachers. The redhead sighed. Why couldn't the hat-wearing dork just have a normal lunch. It was then that he realized that Double Doofus was heading straight for one of the eighth-grade jocks, the baddest of the bunch too: Cletus Jurgemeyer.

"You want to do something about that before it gets too hairy?" Gabe asked.

"Not really," Kevin said before noticing the concerned look in his friend's eyes. "Okay, sure, just this once."

Even though Edd was one of the dorks, Kevin had to do something or else it would end badly. Cletus had ferocity that rivaled what Kevin had heard of Eddy's Brother.

Still, Cletus had one Achilles' heel that he could take advantage of. Gabe noticed what Kevin was doing and followed the redhead, figuring that he could be backup, just in case things turned sour. Besides, he was almost certainly a better diplomat than Kevin was.

Unfortunately, they were too late and Edd bumped into Cletus, spilling the papers all over the ground in the process.

"Oh dear, I must apologize for… uh… this…" Edd said in a mumble, trailing off as he saw the big, blond jock cracking his knuckles.

"Yeah?" the jock asked, his voice deep but softspoken. "Maybe we'll see just how sorry you are when you're eating some of those papers, sockhead."

"Hey, dude, you might want to leave him alone," Kevin called out.

"Oh, hello, Red. I don't think this involves you," Cletus said, still softspoken but with an intense fire in his eyes.

"Yeah? Well, just think about what it would be like if this wound up on your permanent record because one of the coaches found out about it?"

"Yeah? Then I'd cream you as well," the burly jock replied.

"Except that there's more than one witness," Gabe threatened. "Not to mention, there's that camera over there." He motioned toward a camera on the side of the building. "Should I mention that with the passing of anti-bullying legislation that the school is getting even stricter on that?"

Cletus looked up and realized that the duo was right. "Okay, chumps, I'll listen to you this time. But next time I see you guys outside school grounds…" He made a throat slice gesture and walked off.

"Oh, man, I can't believe you got that jerk to back off," Kevin remarked as soon as Cletus was out of earshot.

"Trust me, once a bully realizes that there's nothing to gain and everything to lose, he'll back off," Gabe commented. "Especially since he doesn't want to risk his place on any of the school teams which is what will happen if he's caught on camera beating up an honor student."

"I, uh, have to thank you both for coming to my aid here," Edd told them in gratitude, picking up the files and papers on the ground. "Oh, the school nurse is going to have my head if she finds out that I dropped these."

"Okay, let me help," Gabe offered, kneeling his large body down to pick up some of the papers. When he realized that Kevin was just standing there, he looked up at the redhead. "Uh, Kevin, are you going to help."

"Uh, yeah, sure," the redhead answered hesitantly, picking up the papers alongside his friend.

None of them realized that Nat Goldberg had seen what was happening from the sidelines. Of course, he decided to make sure Kevin was okay, but he got out to see Kevin tell off one of the older, bigger jocks with the help of some fat kid and help out some skinny boy with a sock on his head.

Kevin and the sock-headed boy… _They would make a good couple. I think this is proof that Kevin likes him,_ the green-haired boy thought before disappearing inside. Now, all Nat could think of doing was finding a way to get Kevin and that mysterious sock-haired boy together.

###

A/N: If you're wondering why this fic is called Acapulco, wait a couple chapters.


	2. The First Trap

Chapter 2: The First Trap

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Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd n Eddy, nor that character Nat.

###

He was beyond groggy. True, his sinuses were once again clear but that didn't mean he actually want to go back to school. He lifted up his blond head, blinking hard at the sound of his alarm going off and climbed down off his top bunk, careful not to disturb the boy on the bottom bunk, who was already shifting, and hit the off button on his alarm.

It was rather funny, really. The two of them used two different alarm clocks and since Hans preferred to get up earlier than Gabe did, he used his, got up, put on some clothes and headed out to go eat breakfast. Gabe took his time, got up to shower and ate his breakfast after that. The blond boy preferred to shower the night before, so that he didn't have to deal with frozen hair on one of those cool mornings. Plus, it gave him the added advantage of not having to compete with his friend for the shower.

Well, before he got to the breakfast step, he decided to go for a quick stroll around the neighborhood. He lived with Gabe and his family on a rather long street about a mile from the cul-de-sac where Kevin and the Eds lived and wandered around the street. Unlike the cul-de-sac where Kevin lived on, there were only a couple of kids that were in their Junior High on that street. It definitely showed that Rathink Avenue wasn't the norm. Still, it was nice for Hans to have a chance to clear his head.

He missed his parents.

Because of the rush of getting out of the country by a certain date set by his grandparents, his parents couldn't get him a passport in time so he was stuck back there in the US while his parents and sister were hanging at his grandparents' ranch, which, technically, he was the one who was supposed to inherit due to all his dad's other siblings having only girls.

He grumbled at the annoying circumstances he found himself in. At least Gabe was cool. He liked Gabe, even though there were times when the bigger boy couldn't stand him. The same could be said about the rest of Gabe's friends, who, with the exception of Nazz, Rolf and Shaun, seemed to have a serious love-hate relationship with him.

Well, that actually meant that only Gabe and Kevin couldn't stand being around him. Oh, and Jenna didn't like him either. Hey, half and half wasn't too bad. Kind of…

"Don't tell me you're moping around again!" Hans knew that voice. He turned around to see Marie Kanker. He hadn't seen the dark-haired girl since that time she and May kidnapped him and he sure wasn't going to let that happen again.

"Okay, lady, what are you doing here?" he asked, more annoyed than anything, practically in a fighting stance.

"Oh please, someone short and round like you couldn't possibly take me on," the girl said playfully.

"Yeah? I'm pretty feisty, lady," he told her. "You want to bet?"

"Nah, I'm not in much of a fighting mood today," she told him. "So, I'm sure you've heard but there's this weirdo on campus that's hanging out with your friends now."

Hans snorted. "Yeah? You want me to do something about him?" He had heard about Nat, but Gabe didn't have much to say about him other than the fact that the boy seemed to consciously ignore him.

"Yeah, I want you to keep an eye on him," the dark-haired girl. "He's been looking at my boyfriend the wrong way."

"For crying out loud, stop referring to Double D as your boyfriend," Hans told her. "He doesn't even like you!"

Marie scoffed at him, rolling her eyes. "Oh please. He'll come around."

"Not likely."

"Anyway, keep Nat away from Double D. I don't like how he's looking at him," she told him.

"Wait, how's this Nat guy looking at him?" Hans asked her as she started walking away, not liking where this was going.

"Oh, He's been following him and I think he's been checking him out," Marie said point blank, leaving Hans there in shock.

###

"So, you hear he might be gay?" Kevin asked, not really surprised. They were standing around right by Gabe's locker.

"Yeah, man! I guess Marie caught him stalking and checking out Double D," Hans told him, frantic.

"Okay, so what do you want me to do about it?" the redhead asked.

"Here's my idea," Gabe started to say. "We just treat him respectfully. If he hits on one of us, we just say we're not interested. However, if he does it repeatedly while we tell him no…"

"Then we kick him out," Kevin finished.

"Yeah, and report him to the school authorities for sexual harassment. That's how girls treat straight guys, right? Other than that, there's really not much we can do."

"So, that's your solution? Just ignore the problem and hope it goes away?" Hans asked, flustered.

"Yeah, that is my solution," Gabe told him. "We don't have any actual evidence other than some of his mannerisms and the unreliable testimony of one of the Kanker sisters of all people. Besides, I wouldn't be surprised if she was just misinterpreting Nat's mannerisms. Plus, we'll have to deal with gay people at work someday. We can't just get them fired for no reason."

"Exactly," Kevin agreed. "Believe me, I don't get that lifestyle either, but I'm willing to put up with them as long as, like you said, man, they don't pull any moves on me."

Gabe nodded. "Reminds me of how my dad told me to treat guys like that: respectfully. I guess he has this gay guy at his work that hit on him once. My dad, in response, just showed the guy his wedding ring and asked if he wanted to see pictures of his wife and kids. The guy never brought it up again."

"Dude, how could anybody want to go after your dad of all people?" Hans asked, confused.

"I guess the guy was some manly, burly gay guy called a bear," Gabe replied.

"Oh, I didn't know they had those," the short blond replied.

"Had what?" Nat asked, showing up from behind the two heavyset boys, scaring both them and Kevin.

"Oh, they were talking about a chicken sandwich at Big Belly Burger," Kevin lied, diverting the conversation away from their previous subject.

"Oooh, how on earth couldn't they have known that?" the green-haired boy asked in a swishy manner. "By the way, I'm Nat."

"Gabe," the taller of the two replied.

"And Hans," the shorter boy introduced himself. "Good to meet you, man. I heard some interesting things about you!"

"So, you're Hans?" Nat asked with surprise, definitely expecting someone different despite the description that he had already been given a couple of days before.

Kevin looked past the green-haired boy to see Nazz and Jenna heading towards them, talking.

"So, I guess her family is going on vacation in Acapulco this summer," the blonde commented.

"Oh! I would love to go to Mexico!" Jenna exclaimed. "Come on, admit it: as long as we stay away from troubled places, Mexico would be awesome."

"I know, right. Too bad my parents probably couldn't afford such a thing, dude," Nazz replied in disappointment.

"Yeah, man, that would be kind of cool," Kevin remarked as the two girls stopped in front of them. "Dude, I haven't even gone out of the country."

With the mentions about Mexico, Hans shrunk back, thinking about his predicament again. He was never going to be able to go there.

"You haven't even been out of the country?" Nat asked, utterly astonished about that.

"And you have, man?" Kevin asked.

"Oh yes, I've been all over the world, actually," the green-haired boy informed the group. "Part of it was because of going with my parents on business trips. Trust me, you haven't seen anything until you've seen the Taj Mahal in person. Or the pyramids."

"That reminds me of that episode of 'An Idiot Abroad' where they went to Egypt," Jenna remarked. "They didn't like it that much. Then again, they don't like a lot of places. It's kind of funny, actually."

"Dude, I've never even heard of that show," Kevin told her.

"Hey, it's just a funny British series," the girl said with a smile.

"Speaking of British series: have you see the latest Downton Abbey?" Nazz asked.

"Yes!" Jenna exclaimed. "Have you been following the current season of Doctor Who?"

"My dad watches that show," Gabe remarked. "But, since we don't have the BBC, we have to wait until it shows up on Netflix to watch it, though."

"Ouch, that sucks," Jenna remarked, genuinely sorry for him. "Hey, maybe I can tape some episodes of the show and give them to you so your dad can watch them."

Gabe grinned at her. "That would be great."

"Doctor Who? Man, that show's weird," Hans remarked.

"Hey, sorry you don't have much taste in television," Jenna commented, annoying the shorter boy.

Before this could end up as a full-on brawl between the two, Gabe stepped in as mediator. "Hey, we all have different tastes in stuff," he said.

"Exactly," Nazz agreed. "Just because we have different tastes doesn't mean any of our tastes are bad."

"Unless it's something horribly illegal or wrong like some sort of show that has gladiatorial combat to the death with actual people dying and not actors," Gabe remarked. "You've got to have some standards."

"So true, dude," the blonde girl told him.

"So, I guess I'll see you guys in class," Nat told them, walking off.

"Okay, see you later," Kevin told him, wondering what he could possibly be doing in the ten minutes before class.

###

When Nat snuck off, he made his way toward Edd's locker, looked around to make sure no one who either he knew, especially the Eds or Kevin's friends, and slipped a note into the locker. Then he made his way around the school to Kevin's, stuffing his note in there as well. The plan was going to be flawless.

Over the previous few days ever since he had been enrolled at Peach Creek Jr. High, he had been doing research on his two future lovebirds. He had determined that he would eventually have to separate Edd from his two loser friends, particularly the egomaniacal fat boy and the tall, overweight redhead with the poor hygiene. Especially the former, who reminded him of Kevin in some ways, just not as good looking. Or rather, he was kind of like Hans, just a different kind of annoying.

He wondered why he and that Gabe kid even hung out with Kevin. He could understand Shaun, despite the nerd glasses, since he was such a good looking guy other than that.

But that Gabe guy… Nat shuddered even thinking about it.

It would be something to deal with in due time.

Since the conversation amongst his new group of friends, he had thought up a backup plan just in case this current plan didn't work, but chances were that it would and he wouldn't need the backup plan, except maybe for a good spring break getaway in a couple weeks.

Now all he had to do was wait for his plan to come to fruition.

###

The day went pretty well. In fact, it went really well for Edd since he got all his assignments turned in. Plus, ever since his report card delivery the previous fall, Ed and Eddy's grades had been soaring, in part due to Eddy's parents making sure he did his homework and due to Ed's parents hiring a tutor to help him. In fact, other than a few failed scams, things were actually going swimmingly.

Just when he thought things couldn't get any better, he opened his locker during lunch and, voila, there was a note there, lying at the bottom, covered in hearts. His heart skipped a beat as he reached for it.

He picked it up and looked at it, reading it over.

 _Dear Edd,_

 _Over the past few years that I've known you, there has been a longing in my heart and I believe it may be for you. I would like to know you a little better, especially since the other day. I knew when I laid eyes on you that you were the one. Meet me in room 341._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Your secret admirer_

The letter was followed by a number of inane hearts, X's and O's.

This confused Edd. He had no idea what he could have possibly done the other day that would have gotten this girl's attention. Or at least he figured it was a girl. Still, when one compared the ratio or gay or bisexual men to straight women, it was more than likely going to be a girl.

Still, that made him wonder which one it was. Maybe it was Nazz. No, that couldn't be. She was pretty, but she wouldn't give the light of day, especially since she hung around Kevin all the time and she wouldn't give up her social status just to involve herself with him.

Then came the nightmarish thought that it could have been Marie. He hoped it wasn't the case, though the probability of that was highly unlikely since there were many more girls in the school than just her, so it would have been more likely to have been someone else. That wasn't going into how, generally, when Marie wanted his attention, she would use a more… direct means of obtaining it. Plus, the Kankers hadn't really messed around with the Eds that much since a combination of the time Eddy had stood up to them the fall before and when Lee disappeared for eighteen hours that one time under mysterious circumstances.

There were a few girls that had caught her eye, some who he had a cordial relationship in his classes, though some of those just didn't appeal to Edd physically. He hated how he hadn't transcended that stumbling block to love, but he just couldn't imagine himself together with a girl with the wrong kind of imperfections. It was a flaw that he cursed, though he just had to assume it had something to do with his own perfectionism alongside being around Eddy and his tastes in women.

After all that pondering, he had finally reached the lunch table where he and the other two Eds sat alone.

"Well, you're looking pretty chipper," Eddy commented as Edd sat down at this table.

"Well, Eddy, I have just been pondering over how our lot in life has been for us lately," the sock-wearing Ed replied.

"Vacant?" Ed asked, taking things a bit literally.

"No, not that kind of lot, Ed," Edd answered. "I was just thinking about how our grades are going up and we don't seem to be as much of outcasts as before."

"What? Hey, we haven't even gotten any scams in lately!" Eddy complained. "Heck, we haven't even gotten my goal of making that Hans kid into our sucker. If you ask me, I think everybody's been avoiding us."

"To be honest, it's hard not to see that as too bad of a predicament, other than being low on funds," Edd remarked, biting into his home-made sandwich.

"Oh, great, he's back," Eddy mumbled, his eyes narrowing as he glanced over at the corner of the school cafeteria where Kevin and his friends were sitting down and eating.

"Who is?" the sock-hatted boy asked.

"Mr. Lettucehead," the shorter Ed answered, grumbling at the sight.

"The alien?" Ed asked.

"Ed, just because he has green hair does not mean he's an alien," Edd corrected.

"Oh, but what is he, then?" the redheaded Ed asked. "I have to protect my gravy from the green-haired alien from the planet Verdax!"

"Ed! He'll hear you!" Edd exclaimed, trying to get the big Ed to calm down.

"Yeah, lumpy, you don't want to let him know we're on to him," Eddy admonished his friend, making a shifty glance at Nat Goldberg in the corner, hanging out with Kevin and his weirdo friends.

"But Eddy, what if he makes a move and steals my mashed potatoes?" Ed asked.

"Honestly, what makes you even think that that new student whose name escapes me could possibly be stalking us?" Edd asked, not buying it.

"Dude, he's been everywhere," Eddy answered, holding up his glass to look in the reflection to see Nat, eating and then glancing their way. "Trust me: he's up to something."

"Eddy, just because there have been a string of circumstantial appearances of this boy does not mean he is spying on us."

"He's probably spying on us for Kevin and Shovelchin is going to find a way to screw us over again," the shorter Ed suspected. "Just watch."

"Well, anyway, on a better note," Edd said, deciding to change the subject from another one of Eddy's inane conspiracy theories. He pulled out the note that he had found in his locker. "I found this in my locker. It seem's that I have a girl who is interested in me."

Eddy gave him a look of disbelief. "Yeah, right! You? No way, man!"

"Eddy, I found this in my locker. It is addressed to me!" Edd exclaimed, showing his shorter friend the card.

"Cool, maybe it's a trap by the alien to probe Edd for information on the human race," Ed told him.

"If that's what they're trying to do, then why haven't they discovered the internet?" Eddy joked. "No, seriously, Edd, there's no way that some girl is interested in you."

"Eddy, are you saying that there is no way anyone in the opposite sex would possibly find me attractive?" Edd inquired. "I haven't heard of you getting a date lately."

"Oh please, plenty of girls like me," Eddy informed him.

"Please, if you may, name five girls that have told you they have found you attractive," Edd challenged him. "Lee doesn't count."

"Uh… Nazz," Eddy said, grasping at straws.

"And _when_ was this?" Edd asked.

"Uh…"

"I thought so," Edd said, smiling at how he had one this little round.

"Still, beware of the alien…" the big Ed started to say before being interrupted by Edd.

"Ed, there is absolutely no concrete evidence that aliens are plotting to extract me for information," the sock-headed Ed told his red-haired friend.

"But, I still think you should be careful," Eddy told his friend, really meaning it.

"Don't worry, Eddy, I have gone over every conceivable scenario in my head," Edd assured him, thankful for the moments when Eddy proved that he was a real friend.

###

When Kevin received his note from his locker, he was curious but not _that_ curious. After all, it was unlikely that whatever girl was up there would be anywhere as good-looking as Nazz or even Jenna. He took a deep breath as he headed upstairs toward the room where he was supposed to meet her. He glanced at the note, wincing at the cheesy hearts and the X's and O's, not even know what the heck _those_ were supposed to mean.

He had a feeling that it was going to be some sort of nerd girl waiting for him.

He was half right.

He opened the door, not noticing that Nat had followed him from a distance, and entered into the empty classroom. Apparently the room was a notorious meeting place for couples since it was secluded and it wasn't used for the last hour of the school day. Not to mention, there was the conspicuous lack of cameras pointing toward the classroom. When he entered into the room, he noticed a figure on the far end and shut the door behind him. Nat promptly took a chair he had for this purpose and barricaded the door, quietly, of course, so that they wouldn't notice.

Kevin inched toward the figure who turned around, revealing himself as Edd, startling the redhead.

"What?" he asked.

"Oh dear," Edd said, taken aback by the sight of Kevin. This wasn't a scenario he had even conceived. True, he had thought of scenarios where the person he met would turn out to be another boy, but not like this, especially since there was absolutely no evidence that Kevin was interested in the same sex. "Please tell me you simply received a note to meet a girl up here like I did."

"You've got that right!" Kevin exclaimed, angry that he could have possibly ended up in that situation. A part of him wanted to beat up the sock-headed Ed right then and there, but his more rational side told him that it was out of character for Edd to fool him like this. "Okay, Double-Dork, did Eddy put you up to this as a part of his stupid scam or something?"

"Good heavens, no! He didn't even like the idea that I would have gotten such an invitation before he did," Edd assured him. "For crying out loud, please tell me that you didn't receive the same invitation I did."

Kevin pulled the invitation out and so did Edd and the two boys compared the two. They were virtually identical, written in the same florid handwriting and using the same inane hearts, X's and O's. The only difference was the name they were each addressed to.

"This bites," Kevin complained.

"I concur," Edd agreed. "Someone wanted the two of us up here, but why? What conceivable scheme could they have possibly concocted?"

Just then, the TV in the room turned on and a mysterious hooded figure appeared in shadow, his voice altered so it was unrecognizable. "Hello, Kevin and Double D. I have brought you here for a very specific reason," the person said.

"Oh, dear, I've heard about you," Edd said, fearing for his life.

"Don't tell me: it's Jigsaw, isn't it?" Kevin asked, not quite afraid of the stranger on the other side of the television screen and choosing to make an outdated movie joke about it.

"No, I am not Jigsaw. You see, the reason I have put brought you together is…"

"You're going to perform a character assassination on us for some wrong we have committed?" Edd deduced, having heard about the mysterious Assassin going around and tormenting people, including Lee Kanker.

"No, Double D. I brought you two together because I believe you were destined for each other," the figure said. Edd and Kevin looked at each other with confused expressions. "You were meant to be. You should be a couple and I think you would be very cute together."

The duo looked at the screen in shock. "The heck…" was Kevin's response, giving the figure a dis.

"To be honest, what I think Kevin may be trying to say is…" Ed started saying before getting interrupted by Kevin.

"Dude, are you out of your mind!" he asked angrily. "There's no way I am even remotely interested in Double Dork over here! First of all, man, he's not a girl!"

"Kinsey stated that all humans have a degree of bisexuality," the figure told him.

"Yeah, right!" Kevin told the person. "I don't believe that for a second, man. Heck, I have absolutely no attraction for other guys, much less Double D over here."

"Look inside, you know you find him irresistible. Just talk to Double D and you will see that you are."

"Honestly, as much as I respect gay people," Edd said, "for crying out loud! If you think that Kevin and I have any sort of attraction, then you are sorely mistaken. Honestly, I can count on one hand the number of times Kevin has treated my friends and I nicely."

"I will contact you in an hour. I expect you to have talked to each other and come to my conclusions by then," the figure said. "Enjoy each other. I mean it."

Then the television turned off. Since it turned on and off on its own, that meant that whoever was operating it did it using a remote control, possibly right in the hallway. That meant that if Kevin hurried, he could catch the dork behind it and show him what he thinks of his stupid ideas.

Unfortunately, the door handle wouldn't budge, no matter how much Kevin tried turning it. It seemed that they were currently locked in the room, causing the redhead to curse under his breath.

"There's got to be a way out of here," Kevin remarked, looking over at the windows. They were all locked. "Hey, Double D, can you think of something?"

"Honestly, I have no idea," the sock-wearing Ed replied in disappointment.

"I was afraid of that," Kevin said, looking around. He glanced at some desks and chairs in the room, even looking at the map of the world on the marker board.

That was when he had an idea, putting two and two together. There was no way he was going to stay there for an hour waiting for whoever decided to trap him and Edd in a classroom.

So, he grabbed a chair and swung it at the window. Edd looked on in horror.

"Oh dear, Kevin, don't do that! That's vandalism!" the sock-headed boy exclaimed.

"Okay, sockhead, do you have any better idea?" Kevin asked, having already left a crack on the window. After a pause Kevin spoke again. "I didn't think so." Then he swung the chair again. On the fourth swing, the window was broken. "Okay, Double D, it's time we climbed down."

"Are you serious? From this story?" the sock-headed boy asked, frightened at the thought of doing that.

"Don't worry, dude, jumping from this height isn't going to kill us. Well, as long as we land right, anyway." Kevin then made his way out the window, climbing down and being careful not to cut himself on broken glass. He was going to have a lot of explaining to do to the dean's office if this didn't turn out right. So, he climbed down, making his way down to the second story. From there, he could see that Edd was following him, shaking every inch of the way.

After a couple of minutes, Kevin made it to the bottom.

Unfortunately, Edd was stuck on the second story window. "Come on, dude, just climb down!" Kevin called out.

"Oh, don't tell me that!" The truth was that Edd was scared out of his wits. Still, he took a deep breath and then climbed down further.

"See man, that wasn't so bad," Kevin told him once he reached the ground.

"To be honest, my arms are so sore from that!" the sock-headed boy told him.

"I know right," the redhead replied. "Anyway, don't tell anybody about this, okay. I don't want any rumors to be going around the school that I'm interested in guys. Otherwise Bob from the wrestling team might try to hit on me again."

"Don't worry, Kevin, my lips are sealed, though to be honest I find it hard to believe that no one would have noticed us leaving the building." Edd paused for a second. "What should I tell Ed and Eddy?"

"Just say that the girl you met turned out to be really ugly," Kevin replied. "That's what I'm going to tell my friends."

Edd nodded. "I hate lying, but that may be the only way out of this predicament."

Kevin nodded, not even smiling, and left.

###

A few minutes later, Nat arrived at the door, hoping to come across Edd and Kevin making out or at least holding hands. He pulled the chair away from the door and entered the room.

No one was there. All that was there to greet him was several rows of desks and a broken window.

 _They escaped?_ he asked himself, genuinely surprised that either Kevin or Edd, most likely Kevin, would stoop to vandalizing a third story window to escape.

Now he had to perform damage control and find a way to execute his backup plan: Operation Acapulco.

###

When Edd got home, he promptly did his homework like he does every afternoon, and then went downstairs. To his surprise, there was someone in the kitchen. He headed in there, half-expecting Eddy to be attempting to concoct another omelette, but pleasantly surprised to find the thin frame of his own mother instead. "Oh, mother, what are you doing home?"

"Good afternoon, Eddward," the woman greeted, cooking some sort of stew for dinner. "Your father and I have been talking and we have decided to follow the example of one of our coworkers and spend more time at home with you."

"Father is here too?" the sock-hatted boy asked, elated at the prospect of having a nice dinner with his parents for once and not having to communicate with them via post-it notes.

"Good afternoon, son," his father greeted, coming around the corner with a smile visible behind his bushy mustache. "So, how was your day at school?"

"For the most part it went pretty well," Edd told his parents, "Well, at least until just before I left."

"Why, what happened?" his mother asked, taking a break from cooking.

"Well, it is a little embarrassing, but I received a note. Thinking it was from a girl who wanted to talk to me, I went to the room designated on the note. Even though I arrived precisely on time, I had to wait for a little while until someone showed up and when that happened, the someone turned out to be another boy."

"Oh," his father said, just a little bit of surprise on his face. "I take it you weren't interested."

"Not remotely and it turned out that neither was he," Edd told him. "Someone apparently has this strange notion that this other boy and I are secretly in love or something, which makes absolutely no sense since there have been approximately four instances of him actually treating me like a human being and the rest of the time he has been quite inimical to me and my friends. No to mention, there isn't a shred of evidence that the other boy is even remotely interested in other boys."

"That is very strange," his mother told him, deeply concerned for her son. "I suppose the two of you got out of that mess?"

"Why yes, though it involved some vandalism on his part since the door was blocked," Edd admitted. "Believe me, I didn't even remotely condone what he did."

"That is good to hear," his father said. "From the sounds of it, you were in some pretty extenuating circumstances."

"Why yes, and the boy who I was trapped with told me not to tell anyone who he was," Edd told him.

"If someone tries this again, let the authorities know," Edd's mother suggested. "It could be considered sexual harassment on the part of the person trying to pair you up."

"I will keep that in mind and also be on the lookout for any other signs that someone may be trying to trap me like that," the sock-hatted boy told his parents. "Anyway, I am so glad you're home tonight."

###

After Kevin got home, he did his homework and attempted to put the thoughts of that afternoon behind him. He was frustrated about what had happened and he had a feeling that he knew what dork was responsible.

Unfortunately, he didn't have any evidence against him. Plus, there was no way the person in question could have seen him interacting with Edd. That is unless the person saw him helping Edd out the other day.

But that wasn't even his idea. If it would have been up to him, he would have just left the dork alone, but instead he had to go with his friend Gabe who had this wonderful idea of helping the guy out.

That's it! There was no way he was going to help _those_ dorks out again.

Still, he had to find evidence against Nat. It had to be him…

Just as he thought that, the phone rang. He answered it and the person on the other line was none other than Nat. "Hey, what's up?"

"Oh, hey Kevin. So, how did your date go?" the green-haired boy asked on the other end.

"Dude, there was no date," Kevin replied, angry. "I was set up. We _both_ were. Someone apparently thought I was gay or something like that and set me up with another dude."

Nat sounded genuinely shocked on the other end. "Oh my, that is just horrible!"

"Right! I can't believe someone would think that I was into dudes," the redhead complained. " _You_ didn't have anything to do with this, did you?"

"Who? Me? Never! I thought you were going to meet a girl too," Nat claimed and Kevin was starting to buy it.

"Okay, man, but if I ever find out that you are lying to me, then I am kicking you out of our little group. You got that?"

"Oh yes, but I have done nothing wrong," the green-haired boy told him. "Believe me: I am just as shocked as you are!"

Kevin was getting nowhere.

"So, who _was_ the guy?" Nat asked.

"No way I'm saying, dude. He was just as humiliated as I was," the redhead. "Now, I have to go. See you at school tomorrow."

"Okay, see you." Kevin hung up the phone. He needed to talk to someone about this, but who? There was no way he was going to Edd's to talk about it, since doing so would only fuel rumors if someone had any idea about what had happened earlier.

So, he got up, walked out of his bedroom, and walked across the street to Nazz's house. She would understand, even if she was surprised by what had happened.

He knocked on the door and the familiar blonde opened up. "Hey, dude, so how did your meeting with the mystery girl go?" she asked with a smile, which turned into a look of concern when she saw Kevin's annoyed expression.

"Bad, man. Hey, uh, can I come inside?" he asked.

"Sure, dude," she said, inviting him in. He went inside and sat down on the nearby couch as she shut the door behind him. She was truly concerned about her friend. "So, what happened?" she inquired as she sat down in her recliner across from the redhead.

"I got there and I found Double D," he replied, annoyance in his voice.

"Double D?" she asked, shocked. "No way, dude, I didn't know he was either gay or bisexual."

"He's not," Kevin told her. "Well, as far as I know he's not. Trust me: he was expecting to meet a girl up there too."

"Wait, so you both received invitations from the same girl?" Nazz asked, confused.

"No, someone gave us the invitations and thought we were interested in each other," Kevin replied, obviously embarrassed. "I should have so gone up there with someone, dude."

"Hey, dude, everyone goes up to room 341 alone. You at least walked away, right?" she asked.

"I couldn't since someone shut the door behind me and blocked it," Kevin answered.

"Whoa, what a weirdo," she said, obviously disturbed by the whole thing. "So, dude, how did you guys get out of there?"

"I did something I probably shouldn't have, man. I broke a window and climbed down the side of the building with Double D," Kevin admitted.

"Oh, so you're the guy who broke the window," Nazz deduced. "I saw it on the news. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"Thanks, man," Kevin said with a smile and got a smile back.

"So, did you figure out who did it?" she asked.

"I thought it might have been Nat, but now I'm not sure," Kevin responded.

"Hey, dude, don't judge Nat just by how he looks or his mannerisms," she scolded him.

"I know, dude," the redhead told her. "I guess it wasn't him. Still, I have no idea who it was. I'm going to be on guard from now on, though."

"I understand," she said, sipping from hot cocoa. "Hey, if anything else happens, come talk to me, okay?"

"Okay, man, I'll so do that," he assured her. "Thanks."

Nazz smiled. She really liked having Kevin around.

###

When the package came in the mail a few days later, Nat was elated. He had managed to use his contacts, and a large sum of money, to obtain passports for all of Kevin's friends as well as the three Eds, just in case he didn't manage to get rid of Gabe, Hans, Rolf, Ed or Eddy in the meantime.

At the same time, he had a private jet rented, large enough to keep the two groups in separate areas so that they wouldn't even notice each other. And then there were the hotel rooms.

Nat smiled deviously. All he needed to do now was get Kevin to come with him. Plus, he needed to find a way to get the Eds, or at least Edd, to go with him as well. Other than that, everything was going to plan.

###

A/N: Wow, I didn't realize this chapter was more than double the last. Shows what happens when Microsoft Word 2013 refuses to work in Windows 10 and I am forced to use Google Docs instead. You'd think they'd have patched it by now.


	3. Schemes

Chapter 3: Schemes

###

Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd n Eddy or Nat. Just the other OCs.

###

So far things were _not_ going to plan. For one thing, Nat couldn't seem to find any way of getting rid of the people he didn't like from Kevin's group or from Edd's. Then there was the case of finding a way for Edd to get to Acapulco like he had planned. He might have to use Miami as a backup in case someone showed up who he didn't order a passport for.

Then, while stalking the Eds, he thought of something. He realized he could use that annoying Eddy for something.

He had been doing his research and he found out that Eddy had a brother that he looked up to. Of course, the brother had been out of Eddy's life for the past several years after his abuse was uncovered and his parents put a restraining order on him, forbidding him from ever coming to their house again, but the boy still idolized him, even though the jerk was living in a whale-shaped trailer in some third-rate amusement park 50 miles away.

Still, he could use that to his advantage, making up a fake contest which Eddy's brother somehow entered into and won before deciding to give Eddy the prize, generously. It may have been completely out of character for the dirtbag, but Nat was going to give it a shot, anyway.

###

After Eddy's mother left the envelope on his dresser, Eddy looked up from his textbook, which was only there to hide a girly magazine in the first place. Ever since Edd had handed his parents his report card for the first quarter of the school year, Eddy had been stuck in his room after school until he finished his homework. Then he had to show his homework to his parents, something he absolutely hated when he could be outside, scamming people and making dough.

The chubby boy got up and grabbed the envelope, opening it up. There was no return address, so he wasn't able to figure out who had sent it. Still, he looked inside and found what looked like three airline tickets and three passports along with a note.

 _Dear Eddy,_

 _Hello, pipsqueak. I'm sorry for all the stupid things I've done over the years. I just won a contest and I thought you should have the prize. It's three tickets for spring break out of town. Oh, and don't tell mom and dad you're going, okay? Don't worry, all expenses were paid and a limo will come pick you up the morning you leave._

 _Best regards,_

 _Your brother_

It was too good to be true. Eddy's brother hadn't done anything for him since he left, so why would he do anything now? Of course, Eddy had absolutely no idea what was really happening.

###

"Oops, it looks like we've come across a Mega Mutant!" Shawn exclaimed, reading from his dungeon master campaign book. He was sitting at a table along with some of his friends, namely Gabe, Jenna and Rolf. Nat was there too, completely bored of out his mind, having only come because Shawn invited him, while Hans was busy playing a videogame on the other side of the room.

"Ooh, a Mega Mutant," Rolf said with amazement.

"So, can he be… uh, reasoned with?" Gabe asked.

"Nope," Shawn told him. "Your speech skill is useless, yet again."

"Good thing my girl has a high enough Big Guns skill to shoot this guy up," Jenna commented.

"Hey, how come you don't want to play with us, Hans?" Gabe asked his friend, sitting in the corner.

"Are you kidding me, man? Pen and paper role playing games are so boring!" the blond replied bluntly, continuing to fight monsters on Shawn's console.

"Hey, you only say that because you're no good at these games," Shawn joked.

"Yeah? Maybe there's a reason Kevin never comes to play with you guys," Hans suggested.

"Oh, please, Kevin just never comes because he thinks it's too nerdy for him," Jenna informed him. "Knowing him, he'd probably have fun with this game. Nazz did whenever she came to play."

"Yeah, I never understood Kevin's cool kid persona," Shawn remarked. "Personally, I think it'll be kind of useless once we graduate high school."

"You never know," Nat said. "It might come in handy once he joins a fraternity in college. I'm so looking forward to that."

"Are you kidding me?" Jenna asked. "I swear half the stereotypes of those guys are of party boys who constantly get drunk."

"Sounds like fun to me," Nat replied.

"Um… no," Shawn told him. "There's no way I am ever getting drunk. Even if I don't end up with a splitting headache the next morning, there's always the chance of me throwing up over everyone, ending up raped or waking up the next morning with some person I don't even know who has like ten STDs. So, no, I am not ever getting drunk. Or high, or anything."

"Oh please. You guys need to lighten up," Nat responded. All of the sudden, Hans paused his game, got up and bolted out the door.

"Wow, he must have needed to go bad," Gabe joked. "But, yeah, I totally agree with you about not getting drunk or high, Shawn. I don't see much of a point to it, either. I can see having a drink or two to loosen up, but more than that is not going to happen."

"And you _do_ need to loosen up sometimes, man," Shawn told him in a friendly jab.

Nat just laughed. "Oh, believe me, you'll understand it all when you're older."

###

Gabe was right, Hans did need to go really badly, especially with all the soda he had drunk earlier. Once he was done, though, he got up, pulled his pants up and washed his hands. It was at about that point that he heard something drop down into the bathtub, so he went and investigated, despite knowing who it probably was.

He was right. Marie attempted to scare him when he slid the shower curtain open. "Seriously? You expect me to be scared of you?"

"Hey! It works on Double D!" she exclaimed.

"And when was the last time you scared Double D?" he asked. After a minute of no response, he said. "Thought so. You haven't gone after him since before you kidnapped me in a wild goose chase that ended up in you and May getting-"

"Oh, come on! Okay, I'll admit that I haven't gotten any loving from him in a long time, but-" After interrupting Hans, she got a taste of her own medicine from the short, plump, blond boy.

"Aha! You see, I was right."

"Yeah, yeah, he probably doesn't love me, but that doesn't mean I don't care about the cutie. Come on, you want to tap that, don't you?"

"Sorry, lady, but he doesn't have the right body parts for my tastes," Hans told her, nonchalantly. "So, you care for him, huh? This is new."

"Yeah, you little fatty! I kind of do," Marie told him, trying to goad him.

"Okay, lady, I may have a bit of an attitude, but I have come to terms with my body a long time ago," he informed her, indicating that her insult didn't work on him. "So, what's so important that you'd break into the bathroom at my friend's house while I'm using it to talk to me?"

"Oh, you know, a little bit of this and a little bit of that," Marie told him. "Namely that friend of yours' little plan to get Kevin and Edd out of the country for Spring Break."

"Right…" Hans said, disbelieving. That was when the girl pulled out a small, blue booklet out of her pocket and put it on the bathroom sink. "Oh." The blond looked at the booklet and realized it was a passport. "So, you stole snothead's passport. Big deal!"

"It doesn't belong to Nat, you idiot!" the blue-haired girl exclaimed.

"Really…" The blond picked up the passport and looked inside. In it, he saw his yearbook photo along with his information. "Surname: Knelsen, Given Names: Johannes Boris... Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Old snothead made me a fake passport!"

"It's not fake, blondie, it's the real deal," Marie informed him. "Believe me: I checked online for a way to spot a fake and it's definitely not."

Hans looked at the girl in shock. "Wait, so you mean that old lettuce head's made me an actual passport somehow in the past week that he's known me?"

"Heck yeah, he did," Marie confirmed. "I don't know how he did it, but I did some research and it turns out he has a pretty big trust fund and he's not even living with his parents, either. It took a bit of stealth to get past those four butlers the idiot has guarding his place, but I did it."

Hans shook his head. "Where was this dirtbag when _I_ needed a passport?"

"Come again?" the dark-haired girl asked.

"Seriously, a few months ago when my parents were in a rush to get to Mexico would have been a pretty handy time to get this. And a visa."

"What? Your parents are from Mexico? But…"

"They were raised as Mennonites," Hans told her. "Yeah, I know, unlikely story. Then again, so is the one about your ancestor winning Peach Creek in a bet from Eddy's."  
"Yeah? You heard about that too, huh? Anything else you want to talk about?"

"No, not really. Still, why the heck would Nat get _me_ a passport?"

"He's trying to get you and your friends out of town for some reason, probably even out of the country," the girl guessed. "But, I have an idea to derail that."

"Enlighten me," Hans dared her.

"You see, I am going to go with you guys when he has you go with him," the girl decided. "And since I don't have a passport, he won't be able to take us all to Mexico."

"Either that or he'll just kick you off the plane for being a Kanker," Hans told her.

"Yeah, but he doesn't have anything against me. Still, I should probably wear a disguise." The girl smiled wickedly. "My oven mitt is going to love me for saving him from Nat."

"And nobody will recognize you," Hans remarked. "Face it, lady, you've got too many obstacles going for you if you want to save your 'boyfriend' from Nat, assuming snothead is actually after Edd."

"Oh, he is. The other day, I saw Edd and Kevin climbing out a broken window in room-"

"So, that's why Kevin never told us what girl he met up there," Hans interrupted. "I kind of figured he was the one who broke the window since I saw it on the news, but I just expected him to have run into some butt-ugly chick instead of Double D."

"Oh, so that's what's going on? Nat's pairing my oven mitt up with old shovelchin."

"Assuming Nat's behind it," Hans said, scratching his chin. "So, you're going to wear a disguise. Then what?"

"You'll take me onboard Nat's airplane as your girlfriend," the girl told him.

"That disguise better be good," Hans remarked. "On second thought, you're way too hot for me, lady. Well, other than your teeth. You might want to whiten those beforehand. Same with your voice. You don't want everybody to recognize you even with a disguise."

"Oh, okay, I'll do that," the girl said. "Maybe I'll put on a sexy accent for you."

Hans grinned at the girl. "Hah! Try it!"

Marie smiled back. "Sure will. See you later, fluffy!" With that, the girl climbed out the window.

Hans then walked out of the bathroom. Thankfully nobody else was around other than Gabe pushing right past him and shutting the bathroom door.

He was more than willing to respect the boy's sexuality, but he didn't like Nat and he definitely wouldn't put it past snothead to try and force Kevin and Edd together despite them being straight.

###

The next day, when he got to school, Kevin went through his locker. Thankfully there weren't any ridiculously cheesy invitations to meet someone this time. Unfortunately, what came up after he shut the locker was far worse.

He had spotted Nat heading for him when he heard something over the intercom. The dork that had attempted to pair him and Edd up was making an announcement.

 _"Attention students,"_ the mysterious shipper said in his garbled, altered voice, _"I am making this announcement to inform you all that Kevin O'Neil and Eddward Vincent are both secretly gay and dating. That is all."_

Kevin seethed, his eye twitching. If this idiot meant to force him and Edd together by ruining their reputation, then there was no way he was going to let him. As it was, he was wrong about the intent of the announcement. In fact, the announcement was made to divert any mistrust away from Nat.

"Wow, talk about blunt," the green-haired boy remarked.

"Yeah, and totally untrue. Why would I get together with that dork, even if I was attracted to the same sex," Kevin asked, annoyed. _At least I know you didn't make the announcement._

"I know, right," Nat replied. _Don't worry, I'll get you out of denial._

With that, they headed toward their first class. Nazz ran up to catch up with them.

"Hey, dude, I heard that announcement," the blond told him.

"I know, right? Don't worry, it's not true," the redhead told her.

"Duh, I know that. I just wanted to say that I support you," Nazz said. "We'll catch that weirdo together, dude."

Kevin smiled at her. "Thanks, man."

Nat inwardly shuddered at his interaction. _At this rate, he's going to get together with Nazz before he gets together with Edd! I_ have _to change that._

Before he could attempt to say something, most of Kevin's friends came in.

"Rolf just heard a very strange message about you being happy and in love with sock-head Ed-boy," Rolf said as he sat down.

"Not true," Kevin told him.

"Of course not. Rolf just needed to assure himself that such slander wasn't real," the tall, foreign boy replied.

"Why the heck would anybody even think that?" Gabe asked as he got in his seat. "I mean, let's face it: you and the Eds don't get along at all. I mean, you get along better with Double D, but not by much and not when he's scamming with the others."

"To be honest, I get the feeling this weirdo has some mental problems," Hans suggested. "Come on, man, trying to force two guys together… I can tell you that the likelihood of that working isn't very high."

Nat twitched at the mention of mental problems, something he definitely did _not_ have. He was going to have to kick the short, annoying boy out of their group of friends eventually.

"No kidding, dude," Kevin said. All the sudden, a tall, burly guy in a letter jacket walked into the classroom, despite not being in their class. Kevin instantly recognized him as Bob from the wrestling team.

"Hey, dude, I just want to apologize for someone forcing you out of the closet and I hope you and that Eddward guy are happy together. I just wanted to say I would be there for you as a friend."

"Sorry, Bob, I'm still not gay. Someone delusional just hijacked the intercom," the redhead told him, trying to be as respectful as possible.

"Oh, I… uh, kind of figured. See you around, then."

Nat grimaced at that one. _Did nobody fall for that other than some big, ugly wrestler?_ As for Kevin, the redhead was just burying his head in his hands.

###

When Edd heard the intercom, he just wanted to scream.

"Oh, man, someone must have hijacked the intercom!" Eddy exclaimed, laughing. "Then again, shovel-chin had it coming anyway."

"I'm sorry, Double D," Ed said consolingly. "Don't worry, the bad guy behind the microphone will go away."

"I can't believe someone would insinuate something like that about me! The nerve!" Edd exclaimed. "And with Kevin, of all people!"

"Chillout, Double D," Eddy told him. "You can't actually believe that anybody would believe that!"

Just then, a girl with a very short haircut walked by him. "Congratulations on coming out and getting a boyfriend!" she told him before leaving.

"Eddy…" Edd said, more than a little annoyed.

"So, have you done anymore with that dating site scam?" Eddy asked his hat-wearing friend.

"To be honest, Eddy, I have been spending too much time trying to get it to work. First, there was setting up the frontend, which involved learning HTML and CSS, which actually proved a tad bit easier than I expected. Unfortunately, now I have to write up a PHP backend and set up a SQL database for any users we get, which is turning out to be a nightmare, especially since I want to avoid having any undesirables apply for the site."

"Cool, Double D. Can you now code a videogame?" Ed asked.

"Honestly, Ed, I'm still getting down the basics of PHP and JavaScript for the site," Edd replied.

"Man, what's taking too long? We should have hired somebody else," Eddy complained.

"From what I hear, Gabriel Giordano knows something about web development," Edd told him. "Maybe he would be willing to work on the site for us."

"Yeah, right. He's friends with Kevin, so heck no!" the short Ed objected as they made their way into the classroom. The air was buzzing with gossip.

Then again, very few people actually believed the announcement. In fact, most of the school, especially those outside of their grade level, didn't even know who Kevin and Edd were.

###

Still, Nat was at least satisfied that the announcement did what he needed it to do: make it so Kevin didn't suspect him of being the one pushing him and Edd together. Unfortunately, he still found some chick dressed like a punk rocker glaring at him at lunch. He wondered what her problem was.

Then again, maybe after this was all over he could set her up on a date with Nazz. Or maybe doing that would get rid of Nazz so Kevin would end up with Edd. That definitely went into the idea bin.

Plus, it was something he could write about in his journal, along with all of his fantasies about Kevin and Edd.

He needed to get rid of Nazz, though, more than anything since that girl was getting in the way of his plans, even if it involved hiring a hit on her.

Not that he would actually do that, of course.

Sitting there at lunch, he formulated his plans to get Kevin and Edd together over spring break. He needed to get them both out of town and on his private jet, and he needed to get rid of their friends.

It wasn't until after school when he executed the part of the plan concerning Kevin.

"Hey, Kevin, what are you up to on spring break?" the green-haired boy asked. Kevin glanced at him with a bit of curiosity.

"Uh, I don't know. I don't really have any plans," the redhead said.

"Yeah? Well, I have this place out of town, if you want to go," Nat informed him with a smile. "Come on, it'll be fun!"

"Okay," Kevin said, and Nat lept for joy inside, even with the next part which he planned for. "But only if some of my friends come with me."

"Sure thing," Nat replied, ignoring the minor bit of annoyance eating away deep within. He already had Eddy on his leash and by extension Edd and he was more than aware that Kevin didn't trust him enough to go with him alone, but he still wanted to get rid of the other kids for the trip. He figured he could just pay his butlers to knock them out and take them home or something.

"You want me to talk to them myself, man?" the redhead asked.

"That would probably be best," Nat replied. "I'll pick you all up in front of your house, say, 7:30 Saturday morning when spring break begins?"

"That should work, dude," Kevin responded.

###

With that, once he got home, Kevin called each of his friends, one by one.

"Hey, so Nat invited me to his place out of town. I'm not going if I don't bring other friends along," he told Nazz over the phone.

 _"Whoa, no way, dude! Okay, I'll totally come with you."_

"Yeah, so Nat invited me to his place."

 _"What? Okay, back up, he invited you to his place?"_ Shawn asked, suspicious.

"I know, right?" the redhead replied. "I don't trust him either. That's why I need some people to come along."

 _"Okay, I'll just ask my parents. They don't really like him, though, but I'm sure that if I said I was going to help you out, they'd let me."_

 _"Wait, you've known him only a few weeks but you're willing to go to his place?"_ Gabe asked.

"I know, right? I don't want to make him think I don't trust him or anything," Kevin replied.

 _"Yeah, snothead's probably plotting something and he probably has a backup plan in case Kevin decides to stay home," Hans said in the background._

 _"I'll come. If that guy tries to pull something, I should be able to take him on,"_ Gabe said.

 _"I'll come too,"_ Hans said, leaving out the part about bringing Marie Kanker in disguise.

"Great, man! I knew I could count on you guys!" Kevin exclaimed with a smile.

 _"Rolf is more than willing to go with you to Nat's house,"_ Rolf said.

"Thanks, dude."

###

Marie was sitting on her couch, watching TV with her sisters when the phone rang. Lee answered it. "Kanker residence," the redhead greeted.

 _"Oh, hey, Lee, can I talk to Marie?"_ someone asked over the phone.

"Yeah, hang on a second. Who the heck is this?" Lee asked.

 _"Hans,"_ the blond on the other line answered.

"Never heard of ya!" the redhead claimed.

"Hey, that's mine!" Marie exclaimed, pushing her older sister out of the way and answering the phone. "How's it going, fluffy?"

 _"Don't call me by that nickname. It reminds me too much of a Gabriel Iglesias skit,"_ Hans told her.

"Oh, don't worry, I don't mean it. So, anything going on?"

 _"Nat just invited Kevin to his 'place out of town'. No indication of where it is, but I guess we're supposed to be at Kevin's place at 7:30 on Saturday when Spring Break starts."_

"Kevin's house, Saturday at 7:30, got it! Anything about Double D?"

 _"I didn't hear anything about him. Still, if Nat's up to something, I could definitely use your help."_

"Alright, see you later, fluffy," Marie said.

 _"I thought I told you… uh, forget it! See you later."_

With that, Marie hung up the phone.

"So, you're meeting a boy, huh?" Lee asked with curiosity.

"Ugh, yeah. So what?" Marie replied. "He's just there to help me because I think this guy is plotting something for my oven mitt."

Lee smiled. "But we can't come along, huh?"

"No, I have to do this alone," the dark-haired girl replied. "Besides, nothing's getting planned for Ed or Eddy, just Double D."

"What? You're going after him alone?" May asked from the couch.

"Why not bring us as backup?" Lee asked.

"Simple, I have only one way in and that's disguised as another guy's girlfriend," she told her sisters. "You guys coming along would just make it more likely for us to get caught. Plus, I only have one wig and glasses. Not to mention the teeth whitener. Yuck!"

"So, that's why you bought that stuff!" May figured out.

"Yup, I'm going undercover to save my oven mitt!"

###

A/N: The plot thickens. Sorry this chapter is all over the place.

Next time, you can expect going on a plane, though to Miami and not Acapulco. Plus, Marie's disguise… Oh, and bromance.

Just as a disclaimer: I don't intend for anything in this fic to be homophobic in any way. Though Nat is pretty promiscuous if his character sheet is anything to go by (not my fault, there, it's part of what's being deconstructed about his character), that minor Bob character is actually supposed to be monogamous (and is based on a character that was originally supposed to be in the game Bully). Figured I'd put that in there.

And yes, there are Mennonites in Mexico.


End file.
